Girls are always complaining how guys aren’t original with dates anymore. Here’s an original date idea. A backwards date!!! We start with sex then go out after… Maybe.

-Frank L

Ultimate Dick Pic Guide

Have a special lady in your life? Hit a wall between second and third base? Have something to say but you can’t just find the right words? Well you don’t have to say anything. Send a dick pic instead! The idiom ” a picture is worth a thousand words” has never applied better to a real life situation! Lucky for you, I’m here to provide you with a step-by-step guide to sending the perfect phallus photograph worthy of the front page of National Geographic, or at least a jaw dropping reaction from your special someone(s).

 

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If you’re a politician or powerful public figure, this guide is especially for you!

A good dick pick starts from the mind. Feelings of anxiety, stress or sadness will transpire through a dick pic. And no one wants to see a sad dick. Which leads me to the first rule:

  1. Make sure you’re feeling confident while in the act of taking the picture. Ever seen sales reps talk themselves up in front of a mirror before pitching to their make-it-or-break-it client? Well, do the same thing before snapping a pic. Rile yourself up, tell yourself your dick is the best dick out there, then once you’re at your peak confidence and the testosterone is flowing, snap the pic. She’ll get the message
  2. Practice makes perfect: Like anything else in life, the more time you spend doing something, the better you become at doing it. Have some free time at work? Snap a dick pic. Just woke up in the morning? Dick pic? Funeral? Pic. Things to consider are: lighting,  angle, balls or no balls? ( TRICK QUESTION: no balls- EVER), time of day, etc. All these factors come into play when taking a pic of your most prized possession. Something I recommend doing is sending dick pics to random numbers in your phone. Ask for constructive criticism. Take note of their initial reactions. Once the ” WTF?!?! I’m calling the cops!” texts turn into “I can’t stop looking and we’ve never met” texts, you know you’re ready for your primary target.
  3. This rule goes without saying, but just to have it on record: No soft dick. Not only will this obscur the intended message, but it will take the focus off the goal. Do you want your lady asking herself if you just got home from a cold walk outside? Probably not. Do you want her to comment on the color of the bathroom tiles in the background because your dick isn’t the main focus of the picture? Nope.
  4. Trim, DO NOT shave! It is very important to understand the difference between these two! Pre-pubescent or well groomed alpha male? Make sure she doesn’t need to ask herself this question.

In conclusion, these guidelines should set you on the right path to sending the perfect dick pic. Never let another special someone get away because the spark between you has died. When the relationship becomes stale, send a dick pic. Lucky for you, you now have a fool proof guide. Use it.

For additional resources, watch the Dick Pic episode of  Blue Mountain State and learn from my mentor, Thad Castle

 

 

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